This is the transcript for a bit I wrote for episode 89 of Phedippidations back on March 25th, 2007 titled "A Pain in the Knee".
Happy Holiday's to all of my fellow runners. Run long and taper!
- Steve
SFX: French Restaurant
Waiter: Ah, monsieur, welcome to Le Mauvais Pied …are you ready to order?
Steve: Uhhh…yeah, I think so…what are your specials today?
Waiter: Today we offer a tres bonne stress fractured tibia, lightly seasoned and presented with a band of illiotibial syndrome garnish…
Steve: Nahhh….that’ll take too long to heal, do you anything less complex?
Waiter: We have a simple yet elegant plantar facitis, developed just this morning after a tres diffiicle run in the slush.
Steve: Nahh, I’m looking for something a little bit higher up the leg.
Waiter: Might I recommend something in the hip area, perhaps un inflammation al la bursa, perhaps un tro-chan-teric bursitis or a deep hip flexor snap…very deep and very snappy.
Steve: nahhh
Waiter: Perhaps a case of exercise induced compartment syndrome?
Steve: nahhhh…
Waiter: ankle sprain?
Steve: no
Waiter: Achilles tendonitis?
Steve: no
Waiter: shin splints?
Steve: no
Waiter: Metatarsal Stress Syndrome?
Steve: uh huh
Waiter: Quadriceps strain?
Steve: No
Waiter: Inflammation of the adductor muscles?
Steve: Nah
Waiter: perhaps a light to moderate rap on the head?
Steve: don’t you have something kind of mid range, above the tibia but below the groin?
Waiter: (slight pause) well…(hesitant) we do have the chef’s specialty, but I don’t think you’d want to try it.
Steve: What is it called?
Waiter: well…I don’t really think you want to try it….perhaps I could interest you in some blackend toenails, or a nasty case of athlete’s foot?
Steve: What is the chefs special?
Waiter: (sigh) It’s called Chrondromalatia, Patella.
Steve: mmmm…it sounds great,
Waiter: Might I recommend some Iliopsoas Tendonitis, it’s very painful and fresh?
Steve: No, I think I’ll take the Chrondromalatia Patella please.
Waiter: Are you sure you wouldn’t like to try our Pi-riformis Syndrome, it’s a pain in the butt to prepare, but it has a certain kick to it
Steve: Nahh…just bring me the Chrondromalatia Patella please.
Waiter: (sigh) yes monsieur, of course…would monsieur pull back his chair please?
Steve: there ya go.
Waiter: merci….hold out your knee please….
Steve: how’s that
Waiter: bon, bon….and now, le Chronromalatia Patella…
SFX of hitting, or kicking knee….Steve yells…
Waiter: bonne appetite.
